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on Tuesday, 22 October 2013
पत्नी ने करवा चौथ पर पति से कहा, "छोटा मोटा ही सही पर गोल्ड का कुछ दिला दो?"
पति: ये ले छोटी गोल्ड फ्लेक। |
सभी पतियों के लिए हिदायत;
करवा चौथ के दिन ऐसा कोई भी काम ना करें जिससे आपकी पत्नी को बुरा लगे; क्योंकि; यह बात हमेशा याद रखें कि भूखी शेरनी हमेशा ही तृप्त शेरनी से ज़्यादा खतरनाक होती है! पीड़ित पति संघ द्वारा पति-हित में जारी। |
धन्य हैं वो देवी जिसने पति सुख के लिए व्रत बनाया;
धन्य हैं वो मनुष्य जिसने देवी के रूप में पत्नी को पाया; करवा चौथ की बहुत-बहुत शुभकामनाएं! |
पति-पत्नी रात में बिस्तर पर खामोशी से लेटे हुए।
आपस में कोई बात नहीं....
पत्नी के मन की चिंताएं....
1. ये मुझसे बात क्यों नहीं कर रहे?
2. क्या अब मैं पहले जैसी खूबसूरत नहीं रही ?
3. कहीं मेरा वजन तो नही बढ़ गया ?
4. कहीं मेरे चेहरे की झुर्रियों पर इनका ध्यान ना गया हो?
5. कहीं इनके जीवन में कोई और तो नहीं आ गई ?
6. कहीं ये मेरी रोज की किच-किच से तंग तो नहीं आ गये?
पति के मन की चिंता.....
1. ये धोनी ने इशांत शर्मा को ओवर क्यों दिया?
आपस में कोई बात नहीं....
पत्नी के मन की चिंताएं....
1. ये मुझसे बात क्यों नहीं कर रहे?
2. क्या अब मैं पहले जैसी खूबसूरत नहीं रही ?
3. कहीं मेरा वजन तो नही बढ़ गया ?
4. कहीं मेरे चेहरे की झुर्रियों पर इनका ध्यान ना गया हो?
5. कहीं इनके जीवन में कोई और तो नहीं आ गई ?
6. कहीं ये मेरी रोज की किच-किच से तंग तो नहीं आ गये?
पति के मन की चिंता.....
1. ये धोनी ने इशांत शर्मा को ओवर क्यों दिया?
Once 3 boys proposed the same girl!
1st: Main tumhare liye apni jaan bhi de sakta hun. Girl: Woh toh sab kehte hain. 2nd Guy: Main tumhare liye chaand tare tod kar la sakta hun. Girl: Nothing special, bahut purana dialogue hai. 3rd Guy: Main tumhe apna Facebook ka pasword tak de sakta hun. Yahan tak ki apna facebook account delete bhi kar sakta hun. Girl, Ankhon main ansu ke sath: Pagal itna chahta hai mujhe ? I Love You Too!!! Doston, Facebook Badi Cheeaz Hai. |
1. Ishant Sharma is God's answer to BCCI's wrongdoings.
2. Newton's 3rd law modified: For every N Srinivasan, there is an equal and opposite Ishant Sharma.
3. Dear Dhoni, Ishant Sharma ko OLX pe bech de.
4. Ishant Sharma makes people miss Ashish Nehra.
5. Dhoni would have bowled better than Ishant Sharma. In fact, even Duncan Fletcher would have.
6. It wasn't Faulkner, it wasn't Voges. Australia's match winner tonight was Ishant Sharma.
7. If ever there was an Orange Cap award for bowlers, Ishant Sharma would win it hands down.
8. Ajit Agarkar would be having second thoughts on his retirement after looking at Ishant Sharma bowl.
9. Restaurants to rename 'unlimited' offer packages to 'Ishant Sharma' packages.
10. Ishant Sharma should be called Lord Ishant Sharma henceforth.
11. Ishant Sharma doesn't like to cut his hair because he wants to hide his face when bowlers thrash him around the park.
12. BCCI should consider giving Ishant Shamra voluntary retirement.
13. When Ishant Sharma bowls, it's a working holiday for all fielders. Of course, the spectators are the real fielders.
14. Ishant Sharma doesn't need a towel to indicate that he's giving away runs.
15. Colors to give Ishant Sharma a wild card entry to Big Boss season7.
16. Abey Kuruvilla can bowl better than Ishant Sharma.
17. Dhoni isn't India's greatest finisher, Ishant Sharma is.
18. Ishant Sharma has the ability to overshadow Sir Ravindra Jadeja.
19. At this rate, Ishant Sharma would end up with the most number of centuries (with the ball) for India in ODIs.
20. LOL is Ishant Sharma's middle name.
2. Newton's 3rd law modified: For every N Srinivasan, there is an equal and opposite Ishant Sharma.
3. Dear Dhoni, Ishant Sharma ko OLX pe bech de.
4. Ishant Sharma makes people miss Ashish Nehra.
5. Dhoni would have bowled better than Ishant Sharma. In fact, even Duncan Fletcher would have.
6. It wasn't Faulkner, it wasn't Voges. Australia's match winner tonight was Ishant Sharma.
7. If ever there was an Orange Cap award for bowlers, Ishant Sharma would win it hands down.
8. Ajit Agarkar would be having second thoughts on his retirement after looking at Ishant Sharma bowl.
9. Restaurants to rename 'unlimited' offer packages to 'Ishant Sharma' packages.
10. Ishant Sharma should be called Lord Ishant Sharma henceforth.
11. Ishant Sharma doesn't like to cut his hair because he wants to hide his face when bowlers thrash him around the park.
12. BCCI should consider giving Ishant Shamra voluntary retirement.
13. When Ishant Sharma bowls, it's a working holiday for all fielders. Of course, the spectators are the real fielders.
14. Ishant Sharma doesn't need a towel to indicate that he's giving away runs.
15. Colors to give Ishant Sharma a wild card entry to Big Boss season7.
16. Abey Kuruvilla can bowl better than Ishant Sharma.
17. Dhoni isn't India's greatest finisher, Ishant Sharma is.
18. Ishant Sharma has the ability to overshadow Sir Ravindra Jadeja.
19. At this rate, Ishant Sharma would end up with the most number of centuries (with the ball) for India in ODIs.
20. LOL is Ishant Sharma's middle name.
एक महिला डेंटिस्ट के पास गई और ब्रा उतारकर लेट गई।
डॉक्टर गुस्से में बोला,"मैं डेंटिस्ट हूँ।" महिला: मैं भी दांत ही निकलवाने आई हूँ, जो निप्पल में फंसा है। |
बहु अपने ससुर के पैर छूते हुए कहती है,"ससुर जी कोई ज्ञान की बात बता दीजिये।"
ससुर: बेटा ब्रा हमेशा पहना करो क्योंकि जब तुम झुकती हो तो ज्ञान और ध्यान दोनों भंग हो जाते हैं। |
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me!
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There was a fire at the Viagra factory last night. It went up in no time!
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A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. The girl says, "Show me, I wanna see myself if it's true what they say about black men"! So he stabs her and nicks her purse!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a fire at the Viagra factory last night. It went up in no time!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. The girl says, "Show me, I wanna see myself if it's true what they say about black men"! So he stabs her and nicks her purse!
Wife: "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "Those they gave away."
Husband: "I had a dream too... I dream thzt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
Husband: "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: "Those they gave away."
Husband: "I had a dream too... I dream thzt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife: "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
on Friday, 18 October 2013
संता का अपनी बीवी से झगड़ा हो गया।
वह काफी गुस्से में अपने घर से निकला गली से होकर जल्दी जल्दी दफ्तर की तरफ जा रहा था तभी उसे एक आवाज सुनाई दी ठहरो! ठहर जाओ! अगर तुमने एक कदम भी आगे बढ़ाया तो एक ईंट तुम्हारे सिर पर आकर गिरेगी और तुम यहीं मर जाओगे।
संता घबराहट में इधर उधर देखने लगा तभी एक ईंट आकर उसके पैर के पास गिरी संता ने चारों और नजर दौड़ाई पर उसे वो आवाज देने वाला कहीं नजर नही आया।
वह वैसे ही गुस्से में था तो उसने ज्यादा ध्यान भी नही दिया और आगे बढ़ गया।
गली छोड़कर वह मुख्य सड़क पर आ गया जैसे ही वह सड़क पार करने लगा फिर से वही आवाज उसके कानों में पड़ी ठहरो! ठहर जाओ! एक कदम भी आगे बढ़ाया तो एक गाड़ी तुम्हें कुचल देगी।
संता फिर रुक गया तभी एक गाड़ी संता को लगभग छूती हुई निकल गयी।
संता बहुत हैरान हो गया कि ये आवाज देने वाला है कौन जो नजर भी नही आ रहा है और मुझे खतरों से भी बचा रहा है।
संता ने जोर से आवाज लगाई, "अरे भाई कौन हो तुम?"
दूसरी तरफ से आवाज आई, "मैं आपका सेवक और रक्षक देवदूत हूँ मेरा काम आपको मुसीबतों से बचाना है।"
संता ने चिढ़ते हुए कहा, "अरे कमबख्त उस वक़्त तुम कहाँ मर गए थे जब मेरी शादी हो रही थी।"
वह काफी गुस्से में अपने घर से निकला गली से होकर जल्दी जल्दी दफ्तर की तरफ जा रहा था तभी उसे एक आवाज सुनाई दी ठहरो! ठहर जाओ! अगर तुमने एक कदम भी आगे बढ़ाया तो एक ईंट तुम्हारे सिर पर आकर गिरेगी और तुम यहीं मर जाओगे।
संता घबराहट में इधर उधर देखने लगा तभी एक ईंट आकर उसके पैर के पास गिरी संता ने चारों और नजर दौड़ाई पर उसे वो आवाज देने वाला कहीं नजर नही आया।
वह वैसे ही गुस्से में था तो उसने ज्यादा ध्यान भी नही दिया और आगे बढ़ गया।
गली छोड़कर वह मुख्य सड़क पर आ गया जैसे ही वह सड़क पार करने लगा फिर से वही आवाज उसके कानों में पड़ी ठहरो! ठहर जाओ! एक कदम भी आगे बढ़ाया तो एक गाड़ी तुम्हें कुचल देगी।
संता फिर रुक गया तभी एक गाड़ी संता को लगभग छूती हुई निकल गयी।
संता बहुत हैरान हो गया कि ये आवाज देने वाला है कौन जो नजर भी नही आ रहा है और मुझे खतरों से भी बचा रहा है।
संता ने जोर से आवाज लगाई, "अरे भाई कौन हो तुम?"
दूसरी तरफ से आवाज आई, "मैं आपका सेवक और रक्षक देवदूत हूँ मेरा काम आपको मुसीबतों से बचाना है।"
संता ने चिढ़ते हुए कहा, "अरे कमबख्त उस वक़्त तुम कहाँ मर गए थे जब मेरी शादी हो रही थी।"
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings.
One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering.
The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said, "Get in the confessional," which Joe did.
Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said, "I can't hear you."
Again the priest asked, "Joe did you take any of the offering?"
Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."
This time the priest yelled, "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"
Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."
By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said, "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So they traded places and Joe asked, "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is that true?"
To which the priest answered, "By Golly you can't hear in here!!!"
One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering.
The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said, "Get in the confessional," which Joe did.
Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said, "I can't hear you."
Again the priest asked, "Joe did you take any of the offering?"
Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."
This time the priest yelled, "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"
Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."
By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said, "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So they traded places and Joe asked, "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is that true?"
To which the priest answered, "By Golly you can't hear in here!!!"
Murphy asked Paddy how he got his black eye.
"You'd never believe it," said Paddy, "but I got it in church." He said he had been sitting behind a fat lady and when they all stood for a hymn he noticed her dress was creased into the cheeks of her bum. "All I did was lean forward and pull it out and she turned round and hit me," said Paddy. It was a week later and Shamus was surprised to see Paddy had another black eye. "I got it in church," he began to explain. He said he found himself behind the same fat woman and when they stood for the hymn her dress was once again creased into the cheeks of her bum. "My little nephew reached forward and pulled it out. But I know she didn't like that, so I leaned over and tucked it back!" |
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